A Waste of Time
by debjunk
Summary: When a new Ancient Runes teacher comes to Hogwarts, Severus Snape just can't keep from getting close to her, but will their budding romance last through his return to Voldemort's side?  DH spoilers, some DH plot discrepencies
1. Chapter 1

Albus Dumbledore entered the Great Hall.

"Welcome professors to another year at Hogwarts! I would like to introduce our newest faculty members. Professor Horace Slughorn as our new Potions master and Professor Svetlana Barrista is the new Ancient Runes Professor. Professor Snape will be taking over the Defense against the Dark Arts position. As is customary, the students will be arriving within the hour. Take this time to celebrate the new year, catch up with old friends, and make some new friends. The time is yours."

Snape eyed the new Runes professor. She was exceedingly attractive: tall and thin with long dark brown hair that went half way down her back. Her eyes were a deep chestnut brown. She turned and smiled at him. He toasted her with his drink. Taking this as a positive sign, she walked over to him and stretched out her hand.

"Hi. You must be Severus Snape. I've heard a lot about you," she said quickly.

"All lies, I'm sure," replied Snape tartly.

"Well, your amazing ability in Potions precedes you," she explained admiringly.

"Thank you, Professor Barrista," he said, a bit taken aback. "What brings you to our hallowed halls and what did you do before acquiring this illustrious position?"

"Oh, I worked for the Ministry. They would call me in when they needed a translator. They also sent me around the world to search excavation sites."

"That seems very exciting. Why would you choose to leave such an exciting life just to become a teacher?" He was eyeing her suspiciously.

She thought a minute. "There are many reasons, really. I've always loved teaching others, and quite frankly being in a different country every week was getting tiresome. I hardly spent any time with my family, nor did I have any time for myself."

"Ah, so then you have a husband hiding away somewhere?" Snape queried.

Giggling she said, "Oh no! I meant my parents and sisters. Another negative about my old work is that I never had time enough in one place to meet anyone, let alone date and get married! I'm actually looking forward to making some long term friends here."

"Well Professor Barrista…"

"Please, call me Lana," she requested.

He stared at her for a moment. "Svetlana…I hope you will find what you are searching for here," he said. And with that, the bell announcing the arrival of the students chimed. They separated to find their places.

_He's an interesting man, _thought Svetlana. She would like to get to know him better. As she approached the teacher's table she noticed that her seat was right next to his. _Well, I guess sometimes we actually get what we wish for!_ she thought as she took her seat, giving Severus a little smile. He toasted her back then turned his attention to the festivities.

The sorting had finished and so had Dumbledore's speech. They were all beginning to enjoy the meal.

"So Professor Snape, what brought you to Hogwarts?" asked Svetlana.

"You may call me Severus," he told her. He paused, thinking. "I too enjoy teaching." He got a faraway look on his face. "And it keeps me out of trouble."

She chuckled. "That's an odd thing to say."

Snape gazed at her with a look that could bore through metal. "Let's just say that some people may tell you some nasty things about me. They're probably true."

She could only stare at him. _Whatever does that mean? _she thought to herself. _He gets more intriguing by the minute_.

Professor Slughorn took this opportunity to chime into the conversation with a question, "So Svetlana, did you attend Hogwarts as a youth?"

"Yes, I did. But I actually spent my first year at Durmstrang. My parents wanted me to know something about my heritage. I wasn't well suited to Durmstrang, though, so I transferred here for the rest of my education."

"What didn't you like about Durmstrang?" asked Snape.

"I am not a fan of the Dark Arts and even though they weren't taught openly, every class was infused with them."

"Sounds like you went to the wrong school, eh Severus?" piped in Slughorn.

"Possibly," Snape spat at him testily and returned to his dinner.

Soon the feast ended and everyone rose to turn in to their beds. Svetlana quickly sought out Professor McGonagall.

"Minerva, may I have a word with you?"

"Why certainly Lana, what can I do for you?"

"Well," Svetlana hesitated, "I wonder what you could tell me about Professor Snape?"

"What exactly do you want to know?" asked Professor McGonagall.

"He said something strange before the feast tonight, and again at dinner, something about people saying nasty things about him. Do you know what he means?"

Professor McGonagall got a thoughtful look in her eye. "Probably that he was once a Death Eater. He turned from the Dark side, though, and has been a spy against You-Know-Who ever since. I think he still has a guilty conscience though and it clouds his judgment of others opinions of him."

"He was a Death Eater…Really? What made him turn against the Dark side?" Svetlana asked.

"I'm not quite sure. Professor Dumbledore knows the whole story, but will never tell any of it. But he is positive that Professor Snape is sincere in his transition. I trust Professor Dumbledore, so therefore, I trust Professor Snape."

"Thanks Minerva. I trust you too," she said thoughtfully. "Have a great day tomorrow."

"Thank you Lana, you too and good night," said Professor McGonagall warmly.

As she returned to her room her mind was racing with the news she had heard from Minerva. No wonder Professor Slughorn had made that rude comment. Well, she was a person who took people as they were. If Severus Snape was no longer a Death Eater, he was fine with her. She would never say anything bad against a man for his past.

Snape sat in his room curled up on the sofa trying to read. His mind was not on it, though. It was on Svetlana Barrista. She was friendly and charming and he could not get his thoughts off her. Unfortunately she would find out soon enough that he had been a Death Eater and that would be the end of that. From her comments at dinner tonight she didn't have much room in her life for tolerance of the Dark Arts. Nonetheless, he found himself hoping that she could look beyond his troubled past and be friends with him for who he was now. Who knew what might happen.

His thoughts startled him. He had not hoped for a friendship with a woman in this way since his days at Hogwarts and his love for Lily Evans. That relationship had taught him that he had nothing to offer the opposite sex, and even if he did, he would screw it up anyway. He had made an effort to stay away from pretty ladies ever since then. But this woman had managed to get under his skin within a few hours. How could that be? He didn't have the answer. All he knew was that he was looking forward to tomorrow in a different way than he had any other day at Hogwarts. Disgusted with his inability to concentrate on anything but what the morning would bring, he gave up and went to bed. It would be a long night.

The next evening the Great Hall was abuzz with chatter. It seemed that everyone had a story to tell about the first day of school. Slughorn was bragging about the famous students in his classes, Hagrid was telling about a baby Thestril that wouldn't eat, and Professor Trelawney was complaining about having to share classes with the centaur Firenze.

Snape turned to Svetlana and said, "So, how was your first day?"

"Oh it was fun!" she beamed. "There's a girl in my sixth year class that really knows her stuff. She can translate very challenging Runes and has a knack for seeing beyond the symbol."

"Don't tell me, it's Hermione Granger." Snape said dourly.

"Yes, I think that's her." Svetlana said thoughtfully. "I'm having a hard time remembering names. She's very intelligent. I sense great things from her. So how was your day?"

His eyes gleamed greedily. "It was great. I'm finally teaching the subject I enjoy the most."

Svetlana raised an eyebrow. "So you like the Dark Arts the best?"

"I like readying students to fight against them the best," he replied tartly.

"A noble cause," she responded smiling, "especially with You-Know-Who lurking about."

Snape gave her a stern look. "The Dark Lord has better things to do than fool with school children."

"You seem to be rather sure of that fact," Svetlana said with a bit of trepidation.

"That's because Severus here knows You-Know-Who better than any of us. He worked for him you know. A real Death Eater. Nasty bit of business." It was Slughorn, and he was delighting in his revelation.

Snape wanted to crawl under a rock. This conversation was not going the way he wanted it to go. Oh well, now she knew. He supposed he could say farewell to this friendship.

"Actually I did know that," said Svetlana. "I also know that he left the Dark Arts and is working against them now. Do you have any other juicy gossip you'd like to spread?"

Slughorn looked like he had been punched in the stomach. He mumbled something under his breath and returned to his meal. Svetlana glanced at Severus and was surprised to see a look of astonishment on his face. She gave him a little grin. He leaned over and whispered in her ear, "Thank you for sticking up for me," he responded gratefully. He chuckled. "That's the reddest I've ever seen Slughorn, and he usually looks like a lobster."

She laughed and they went back to their meal. Severus reflected on the scene that had just happened. She already knew about his past and was still talking to him! That was unexpected. He usually received looks of reproach when people found out he was a former Death Eater. He couldn't blame them. He knew what being a Death Eater meant and felt the reactions were deserved. But she had stuck up for him and had insulted Slughorn in the mix. He took a quick glance at her when she wasn't looking. She seemed rather satisfied with herself.

Svetlana beamed inwardly. She had told that braggart Slughorn! There was nothing more she despised than people who judged others without knowing all the facts. Hopefully Slughorn would think twice the next time he wanted to besmirch someone's name in front of her again. She glanced at Severus. He still had that astonished look on his face. He must not be used to people standing up for him. That was too bad. Anyone could turn over a new leaf and should be given the chance to do so. She decided to make every effort to get to know Severus Snape and find out who he really was inside.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Days had turned to weeks and it was already time for the first trip to Hogsmeade. Severus sat uncomfortably in the Three Broomsticks and wondered what he was doing there. He never took part in these trips. He preferred the privacy of his reclusive room to being around chatty people. Yet Svetlana had said she would be coming to check out the town and he was hoping to see her. He slowly sipped his butter beer and glanced around. Most of the tables were full. Some teachers were gathered in one corner and Potter and his two friends were whispering secretively in another corner. Suddenly the door to the pub burst opened and in walked Svetlana. The room seemed to brighten with her appearance. She seemed a bit breathless and her cheeks were rosy from the cool air. She sauntered up to the bar and ordered a drink. Glancing around, she spied Snape and gave him a little wave. When she had gotten her drink she came up to his table and said with a smile, "May I join you, or are you having your own private pity party?"

"No, please sit down." Severus said, maybe a little too quickly. He motioned to the empty seat at the table.

"I thought the reclusive Severus Snape never ventured into Hogsmeade for fear someone might strike up a conversation with him." Her eyes twinkled.

He eyed her and ignored her comment. "This is your first visit to Hogsmeade, isn't it?" he asked.

"Yes. Well, first in many years. I don't recognize much from my trips here as a student."

"Then may I offer my services as a tour guide for you? Although I don't come here often, I do know my way around the place," Snape said importantly.

Svetlana beamed. "I would really like that."

The past few weeks had gone by in a blur. It seemed that she had known Severus all her life. Their friendship had grown quickly. They each enjoyed the other's company and found it easy to talk to one another about anything. Still Svetlana hadn't broached the subject of him being a Death Eater. She was curious to hear his story, but the time never seemed appropriate. Maybe today she could ask him.

They finished their butter beers and set out. Severus pointed out interesting shops and they browsed many of them. Some hours later they were sharing some hot chocolate on the walk back to Hogwarts. As they approached the gate, Severus found himself not wanting to end the afternoon and asked if she would like to join him in the lounge for a quick snack. She agreed and they were soon settled on the couch with a small plate of sandwiches that he had conjured up.

"Severus, may I ask you a personal question?"

"Fire away," he said.

"Why did you become a Death Eater?" she asked.

There it was. The question he had been waiting for since the episode with Slughorn. He was surprised it had taken her this long to ask it. His eyebrows furrowed as he thought of the appropriate answer for her.

"I've told you about my childhood. I was not well loved or well cared for. When I got to Hogwarts, I had a hard time making friends. Many students just made fun of me. I found acceptance with students who sympathized with the Dark Lord. It gave me a niche and I found that I was good at the Dark Arts. At the time it seemed logical to me to join the Death Eaters. They were my only friends."

There was sadness in her eyes. She knew what it was like to be ostracized, but for different reasons. "When I was at Durmstrang I was an outcast myself, just for not being enthralled with the Dark Arts. I had only one friend. She wasn't liked either for her refusal to go along with the others. It was a very lonely time for me. I was happy to leave there. Hogwarts was a much better environment." Her mind was far away. "What made you decide to turn against the Dark Arts?"

Severus glanced around, even though the lounge was empty. He moved a little closer to her, "I finally saw the Dark Lord for what he is, ruthless, evil, and uncaring. He's only out for his own interests, and will destroy anyone who stands in his way, no matter how important a role they play in his plan." He got a pained look in his face. "You see, I was in love with Lily Potter."

Why this had come out of his mouth was beyond him. He had only told one other person about this, and he would be in serious trouble if anyone else ever found out. He looked at her sternly and she shrunk back a little. "Look, what I am about to tell you is between you and me. Only one other person knows about it and it could cost me my life if it got out. Do I have your word that you'll keep this secret?"

She nodded. He went on, explaining how he had liked Lily Evans ever since they were children. He told her how he had grown to love her, but she had broken off their friendship because of his association with future Death Eaters. He described the prophecy and how he had begged Voldemort to spare her life. He confessed the devastating effect her death had had on him.

Svetlana sat in stunned silence as he explained how he had become something of a double agent and that through Oclumency he was able to keep Voldemort from knowing his true thoughts and feelings. He concluded by describing his ongoing spy work for Dumbledore and the Order.

Her eyes widened. "My gosh Severus, that's so dangerous. Aren't you afraid you'll be found out?"

"There's always that possibility, but it's important to know what the other side is doing," he countered.

They both sat thoughtfully. Snape nibbled on a sandwich and Svetlana sipped her hot chocolate.

"I think you're very brave to do this, Severus. Not many people would risk their life on a daily basis just for some information. I hope someday people will realize what a great service you're doing for us."

He sighed. "Not likely. But I'm not in this for the glory. It's just revenge."

She regarded him slyly. "I think it would take much more than revenge to keep someone doing what you do daily for this long a period of time."

He raised an eyebrow at her. "You give me too much credit." Eyeing her curiously, he abruptly said, "I must be going." He stood to leave. "Thank you for a lovely afternoon. I'll understand if you want to keep your distance from me from now on."

"Why on earth would I want to do that?" she asked in astonishment.

"My past, present, and future are all tied up with the Dark Lord and that scares most people."

"It doesn't scare me. One thing I learned at Durmstrang is that the worst thing you can do is fear these people. They live off of fear. It's people like you who will actually defeat them. People who recognize what these Death Eaters are and stand up against them. They don't intimidate me. I respect their powers, but they will not reduce me to a pile of sniveling snot unable to defend myself."

"Svetlana, you never cease to amaze me," he remarked. With that, he turned and was gone. She watched the door as he exited. Her insides turned at his departure. She would have preferred to spend the rest of the day with him. She would have preferred to spend the rest of her life with him. But he had gone, sealing himself back into his cold exterior, becoming the secretive, calculating spy once again.

She was being foolish. He was too engrossed in his work to have time for her. It also was obvious that he still loved Lily Potter. It was hard to compete against a dead woman. She sighed. It was time to face reality. He was a good friend, and that's all that it could be. She could accept that, even if it wasn't all that she wanted.

Severus slammed the door behind him and sat in his recliner. _What have I done?! How could I have told Svetlana all those things?_ He had seriously compromised his situation and he couldn't think of one reason why. Well, there was one reason, but his attraction to her was going to cost him his life if he wasn't careful.

She was unlike anyone he had ever known. She accepted him for what he was and still stuck up for her beliefs. Maybe he was trying to drive her away. Maybe that was why he told her those things, to scare her away. He expected her to be mortified, but she was complimentary. He expected her to want to distance herself from him, yet she seemed to be unaffected by his revelations in the least. If anything she wanted to be closer now that she knew the truth.

Then there was Lily. He had never thought of any other woman but her. These new feelings were strange and somewhat frightening. After his fiasco of a relationship with Lily, he had been sure no woman would ever look at him as more than a friend, if even that. They usually looked at him as more of a demon. He knew he helped that opinion along a bit by his personality, but that was just who he was. As for his past, he could do nothing to change that.

But this woman was different from the others. She seemed to see him differently. He seemed to see her differently. He almost felt guilty about finding her attractive. He didn't want to give up his obsession with Lily. She had been everything to him. Unfortunately, Lily was dead. She would never come to him claiming to have been mistaken about Potter like she did in his dreams. There would never be a happy ending for him with Lily. Maybe it was time to move on. Svetlana seemed to like him. Maybe he could make it work. He made his decision. He would pursue a relationship with her. Hopefully this relationship would work out better than his and Lily's. Of course, nothing could go that wrong again, could it?


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

It had taken him a couple of weeks to get the nerve up, then a few days to plan everything, but finally he was ready; ready to ask Svetlana on a date. He got to dinner early and eagerly waited for her arrival. She came in right before the food appeared on the table. She had a gentle smile on her face. She always seemed to be happy.

"Good evening Severus. How was your day today?" she asked.

"Fine, and yours?" he replied

"Mmm, could have been better, but I'm excited for this evening. Someone I know from a dig in Egypt just sent me a papyrus that he wants me to help translate. I'm excited to get started. There are about 10 pages to it. It's one of the longest ones they found intact at the site. I'm hoping it will say something about the Pharaoh that was ruling at the time. They haven't been able to exactly mark the age of the dig."

He gave her a curious look. "Sounds like you have your whole night planned, hmm?" he teased.

She turned bright red. "I'm gushing aren't I? These types of things just get me so excited! It probably seems really boring to everyone else, though. I swear, sometimes I'm just too much of a bookworm." She laughed to herself.

"Sometimes I can lock myself up for days trying to conjure up a new potion. It's all in a days work." Suddenly he got more serious. "I wonder if I could ask you something."

"Of course, anything," she said, gulping down a swig of pumpkin juice.

"Would you join me for dinner tomorrow night?"

"Severus, I join you for dinner every night!" she giggled and he scowled.

"No I meant…"

"Are you asking me out on a date?" she asked in amazement.

"Well you don't have to look so astonished," he mumbled, looking down at his plate.

Svetlana beamed. "I would love to go on a date with you! Where do you want to go?"

He brightened considerably. Looking at her he gave a secretive smile. "It's a surprise. I'll meet you in the main hall at 4:30 if that works for you."

She giggled again, "I'll be there."

She was waiting for him as he emerged from the dungeon. She had her hair up adorned with a bright golden clip. She was wearing dark turquoise robes that made her look ravishing. He held his arm out and she curled hers around it.

"You look lovely," he said.

"Why thank you and you look quite handsome," she responded, eyeing his well tailored dress robes.

He smiled at her tentatively then they were out the door.

"So, are you going to tell me where we're going?" she asked.

"You'll see when we get there," he answered mysteriously.

When they were clear of the gates, he took her arm more firmly and they disapparated. With a pop they emerged at their destination. Svetlana gasped. They were in the middle of a waterfall. Severus had magically made a barrier so that the water fell around them on all sides, making a small and cozy cave within the center of the waterfall. The flooring was invisible and they could see down to the lake where the waterfall emptied. The water churned noisily. There was a table set for two and a small picnic basket lying near it. Severus flicked his wand at the basket and it started unloading itself. There was a large carafe of pumpkin juice, two plates with a scrumptious looking steak on each accompanied by potatoes and a salad, and then there was a gorgeous looking trifle for desert.

"Wow, you really know how to impress a girl!" she exclaimed as she walked toward the table. He pulled out the chair for her and got her settled in, then took his place opposite her. He poured out the pumpkin juice and made a toast.

"To the beginning of something extraordinary," he pronounced.

She beamed and toasted with him. They ate and made small talk until all that was left were crumbs from the trifle.

"That was delicious Severus, thank you." She stretched luxuriously.

"It was my pleasure."

She got up and approached part of the waterfall wall. She carefully put her hand into the water. It rippled over her hand and was cool to the touch. It cascaded to the floor and gurgled over the edge where it continued to fall as if it hadn't been disturbed at all.

"Severus, this is amazing!" she said. She felt his arms encircle her waist and suddenly he was right up against her.

"I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since we first met, Svetlana Barrista." He had his face buried in her neck. "If I didn't know any better, I would think you had put a hex on me."

She laid her head back on his shoulder. "I could accuse you of the same thing Severus Snape."

"But I'm not a wily witch like you." He countered. He turned her around and cupped her chin in his hand. "Lana..." A shiver went down her spine as he said her name, "I find you intoxicating," he whispered. Suddenly his lips were on hers and their arms were around each other. Svetlana felt fireworks inside her. He embraced her and kissed her passionately. It seemed like time had stood still. Finally they parted and looked at each other.

"I thought you were happy with your solitary life and didn't need anybody," Svetlana teased as she stroked his cheek.

"I never needed anybody until I met you." His lips were on hers again. They kissed each other greedily. Reluctantly they parted and he hugged her closely. "I still find it hard to believe that you would want to spend your time with me," he confessed.

"Well, get used to it." she said smiling at him.

He conjured up a couch and they sat cuddling together. She rubbed his chest as he ran his fingers through her hair.

"Why am I so lucky to have you interested in me?" Severus wondered aloud.

She looked up at him. "I guess I can't get enough of your charming exterior." She smiled at him as he gave her a stern look. "Severus, you don't realize how incredible you are! You're smart, determined, and very brave. Any woman would be interested in you if they saw those qualities that you so desperately try to hide."

"But you're not just any woman. You're the perfect woman."

His mouth was on hers again. He caressed her as he kissed her eagerly. She moaned slightly as she pulled him in closer still. They were entwined in each other for a long while before they broke apart breathing heavily. He looked at her with affection.

"You're exquisite," he said huskily.

"And you're extremely sexy," she answered back. She kissed him again and settled into his arms. He hugged her ferociously. He had never felt happier.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The last few months had been hard to believe. He and Svetlana had spent every spare moment together. She was truly remarkable: intelligent, beautiful, funny...and his. It still made him wonder how he had gotten so lucky.

Many at Hogwarts had noticed a change in him. Minerva would occasionally make a remark about liking the "new, improved" Snape. Of course, he was still ornery at times and he still kept a tight reign on the students. They had to be treated with a strong hand or they would never learn anything. He had been slightly more lenient, in any case.

The students didn't know what to make of him at these times. He even occasionally cracked a joke in class, leaving them either laughing uproariously or staring at him wondering if they were going to be hexed. Usually, after the joke, he would wave his wand around and eye everybody menacingly. He didn't want them to get the wrong idea about him and think that he had turned soft.

He even found that Potter brat to be easier to tolerate. _Maybe his fellow teachers weren't so wrong about him after all;_ he scowled, _although that was exceedingly doubtful._

He was finally content after so many years. But he feared that it wouldn't last. Soon he would have to end Dumbledore's life and join the Death Eaters and the Dark Lord. He could feel the time was nearing. Malfoy had made two haphazard attempts at the murder, almost killing two students. If only Draco would tell him his plan, but every time Severus pressed him about it, he looked at him scornfully and changed the subject.

He knew Lana wouldn't understand. He didn't want her to. The more she knew, the more in danger she would be. It would be best if she just thought he lied to her about everything…and hated him. His heart constricted inside him. The thought of her hating him was almost too much to bear. But the thought of her being tortured and killed by Voldemort was even worse. Maybe someday he would be able to explain all of this to her. If Potter was successful in his mission everything would be different. Of course that could take years, and she would have moved on by then. Moved on like Lily had. But she would be _alive_. That was the most important thing. He would ensure her safety, even if it killed him inside and out.

There was still a little time left. Time to enjoy her by his side. Time to laugh and love. If only he had an endless supply of time. He had to make the most of the time he did have. There just wasn't enough if it left.

Severus awoke to banging on his door. It was Minerva. There were Death Eaters in the school. The time had come; the time for his life to end. He grabbed his wand and rushed out to find Draco. He found him at the top of the Astronomy tower with Death Eaters egging him on to kill Dumbledore. He pushed them aside.

"Severus, please" pleaded Dumbledore.

Please! That's all that he could say? Please kill me and ruin your life. Please risk your soul for me. Please end everything that has made you happy. Please do something so horrendous that no one will ever look at you in the same light again. Please! It was pathetic. A look of hatred came over Severus' face. He lifted his wand.

"Avada Kedavra" he chanted and it was over. Dumbledore was dead and his life was over. He turned and ran through the castle and was stopped dead in his tracks. There she was. Lana was racing down the stairs to join the battle. He caught her eye and tried to stop time. He tried to convey everything he couldn't tell her; his love, his regret, everything. If only he could have her in his arms one last time. And then he was moving again, escaping the castle and his old life.

Svetlana was rooted to the spot. Severus had stared at her and it seemed like he was trying to convey a million things, none of which she understood. She only understood that he looked crazed and had fled without fighting anyone. It was not like him to run from a fight.

Before she knew it the battle was over and people were screaming about something outside. She ran to find out the cause. There was Dumbledore's broken body lying on the ground. She stared in horror. She heard the whispers around her and saw Harry Potter stoop over the body. She heard the gasp from the crowd and the mutterings that Severus had killed Dumbledore. Potter had seen everything. Her insides seized up and she thought she would be sick. She turned and ran back into the castle and all the way to her room.

Collapsing next to the couch she burst into tears. What had happened? Why had Severus killed Dumbledore? Why had he fled with the Death Eaters? He had said that that part of his life was over. She had believed him. But how could he be on the Order's side and kill its leader? That didn't make any sense! She had thought she knew him. He had lied to her. Had he lied about other things too? Had he just been using her while he planned this awful murder? No, that part had not been a lie. He had feelings for her. But he had been working for the enemy this whole time. Biding time until the right moment when he would slaughter Dumbledore. She remembered his face as he stared at her in the Hall. Had she seen regret? What had he been trying to tell her? She would never know. He was gone…gone to his evil friends. He had become the betrayer of all of those who fought against evil. She covered her face with her hands and the sobs came and came.

Severus apparated to a park where he used to play as a child. No one would think to look for him here. He collapsed to the ground, his head in his hands, and moaned. It had been far worse than he had even anticipated. First killing his friend, then seeing the puzzlement in Svetlana's eyes, knowing that now she was putting it all together and finding out that he had done nothing but lie to her ever since she had first met him.

Would this pain ever go away? The tears stung his eyes as sobs wracked his body. He cried for a long time. Finally when no more tears would come, he sat up on the ground. She would be alright. With him gone she would have time to get over her pain and move on. She would have time to rebuild her life.

He however, had no time. He would need to report to Voldemort immediately. They would be wondering where he had disappeared to. The time had come for his "new" life to begin and he saw it as nothing more than servitude. He would have to follow blindly the orders of a being he despised. And the time might come when he would be struck down, either by those fighting Voldemort, or by the Dark Lord himself. His life could be over at any minute.

Voldemort. Everything revolved around him. Why had he ever let himself get involved with this when he was young? Voldemort had destroyed everything he had held dear. Lily, his reputation, and now his relationship with Lana, all destroyed. Anger welled up within him. It would be over someday and he would do all that he could to make that day come a little quicker. But now he had to play the faithful servant. He would report the joy he had as he cut down Dumbledore. He would describe how satisfying it had been to see the fear and weakness in Dumbledore's eyes right before he died.

He rose and got ready to depart. Someday Severus would be free, but for now, he had a role to play. He had to bide his time. He composed himself and disapparated to Voldemort.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"With the fall of the Ministry, we can now take Hogwarts and train up the youth to be my greatest army!" Voldemort exclaimed. He gloated in the thought of it. "Severus, I want you to go to Hogwarts and tell them that I have appointed you as the new Headmaster. Get everything ready for the new school year."

"My Lord, couldn't my services be used better elsewhere?" Snape countered.

"What better place to have you than leading the next generation. You know Hogwarts and how to run it. It is the perfect place for you."

"Yes my Lord. I shall leave immediately." Snape quickly left the room.

This was a strange turn of events to say the least. Returning to the people who thought he was a liar and a murderer. To the person who hated him the most. He knew that sometimes Voldemort sent people where they would least like to be just to see them squirm and to make life miserable for them, but he thought he had the ear of the Dark Lord. He hoped he had not upset him in any way. One small slip of the tongue could be deadly. He would need to tread lightly for the next little while to assure Voldemort's happiness with him.

He packed a small suitcase and apparated to Hogwarts. He entered the school. The few people he passed flashed narrowed eyes and hateful glances at him. _This should be an easy assignment_ he thought tartly as he headed to the Headmasters quarters.

"Please relay to Professor McGonagall that I wish to speak to her" he said to a man in a painting next to the stairway. The man turned and bumbled out of the picture. After a moment the stairway came into view. Professor McGonagall was storming down it.

"Now see here Severus. After everything that has gone on here you have the nerve to show up demanding an audience. This is outrageous!" she said furiously.

"Yes, well, the Dark Lord seems to see it differently. He has appointed me as the new Headmaster and I am here to take my place as the head of the school. I'm sorry Minerva, I'm sure you would have done an excellent job, but the Dark Lord feels there needs to be a more austere hand."

"Austere! I'll say. You just can't come in here making demands, Severus. You killed the former headmaster for heaven's sake. How dare you come in here and…?"

"Minerva, I'm sure that you have heard that the Ministry has fallen," he growled. "The Dark Lord, and myself for that matter, can do whatever we please now."

"Well I'll have none of it. You'll have my resignation before I allow you to take over this school." Minerva shouted.

"I'm sorry you feel that way. The Dark Lord also made it plain to me that no current teachers were to resign. There will be a few additions to the faculty, but all should remain as it was before this take over. We wouldn't want to have any…unpleasantness, now would we?" Snape said menacingly.

"You'll bring more Death Eaters into this school!" Minerva said, outraged. "And threaten the deaths of loyal teachers? How dare you! You have no right…"

"As I have explained before, I have every right. Please alert the staff by owl to be ready to return the day before school starts, as usual. We will continue with the tradition of the "Getting to know you" gathering before the students arrive. I appreciate you holding down the fort while I was away." And with that he took his bag and ascended the stairs.

"If I knew you were coming back I would have burned the school to the ground!" she roared back at him.

The first day of school was finally upon them. Severus stood outside the doors to the Great Hall knowing the staff was in there. He knew they wouldn't be saying too much against him with Amycus and Alecto Carrow there to keep things in order. Nonetheless, he was dreading entering the hall. He was dreading seeing their faces, especially Lana's. How he could look her in the face, he didn't know. He did know he couldn't stand cowering outside the door all day. He steeled himself and opened the door. He strode into the Great Hall importantly.

"Welcome professors to another year at Hogwarts," he said in a clipped voice. "I would like to introduce our newest faculty members. Alecto Carrow as the Muggle studies professor, and her brother Amycus Carrow as the Defense against the Dark Arts teacher. As is customary, the students will be arriving within the hour. Take this time to get to know one another. The time is yours."

With that he turned on his heels and left the Hall. Dumbledore always stayed and mingled, but Dumbledore had always been liked. He had barely glanced around the room and had not been encouraged. Most of the members of the faculty were glaring icily at him. The Carrows, of course, were beaming. Then there was Lana. She was white as a sheet. She averted her eyes when he glanced at her and turned away, pretending to be interested in her drink.

He sighed. It was going to be a long year. He wondered if he should confront Lana now or wait. The sooner the better he figured. He would seek her out after the feast.

Svetlana heard a knock at her door. "Come in" she said. She looked up to see Severus enter the room. Her faint smile disappeared.

"I'm sorry to disturb you." Severus said cautiously. "I just wanted to apologize for my quick exit at the end of the year and to find out how you were."

She looked at him haughtily. "You could have sent an owl to find out that information."

"Lana, I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you, and I wanted to say a proper goodbye, but the Dark Lord thinks it's a waste of time to linger on fond farewells."

He thought he saw something in her eyes. It was something sad. Then she steeled herself and began. "How dare you come in here after an entire summer of silence and expect everything to be o.k. with us. You lied to me! You killed a man!" She was on her feet now. "How can you talk as if we just had a little fight? How dare you come in here and try to be friends again. As far as I'm concerned if you fell off a cliff and disappeared right now it wouldn't be soon enough. Get out of my room; get out of my life. I want nothing to do with you!"

Her rage was complete. Severus' head drooped. "I'm sorry to have bothered you Svetlana. I was hoping we could at least be civil to one another."

"Civil! Civil!! GET OUT!" She picked up a vase that had been sitting on her table and threw it at him. Luckily in her rage she overshot and the vase crashed against the wall shattering into a million pieces. The flowers that had been in it lay scattered about the floor. Severus turned and ran out, not even bothering to close the door behind him.

"And stay out!" she screamed after him, slamming the door.

She returned to her desk and began to sob. That had been the hardest thing she had ever done. When she had seen him in the Great Hall all she wanted to do was throw her arms around him, but she had resisted. She couldn't let him know that she still had feelings for him. Right then and there she resolved to treat him horridly, so he wouldn't come near her unless he had to. The anger that came was genuine, but deep down she wanted him in her arms again. How could she want such a thing? How could she love a Death Eater? The tears came harder.

She thought that the summer had given her some perspective and that she wouldn't be so depressed when she returned to Hogwarts, then that horrid owl came announcing Severus' return. She contemplated resigning until she read the rest of the note stating that there would be no resignations. She could just see him hunting her down to kill her because she had resigned. That would be poetic, wouldn't it? So she had returned and it had been hard. Seeing him had been harder. Going through this scene had been next to impossible. How would she survive a week let alone a year? She had no answers. She would just have to take it one day at a time and make Severus Snape sure that she hated him with every fiber of her being. It would be her only means of survival.

Severus walked slowly to his room. He knew it had been coming, but it had still been hard to take. The hatred in her eyes was enough to make him want to jump off that cliff she had mentioned. He supposed it could have been worse. She could have hit him with the vase.

At least he knew where they stood. Nowhere. Their whole relationship had been a waste of time. Everything they had was gone. There was no hope for reconciliation. Even when she found out the truth, if that ever happened, she would be unable to even look at him, let alone forgive him. That was his destiny, he supposed. He was meant to be a lonely man, despised by everyone he met. This war couldn't be over soon enough.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Severus stood tentatively outside Lana's room. It was very late and the halls were quiet and dark. He knew he should just return to his room, but he had an incurable desire to see her. If he was caught, she would be livid, but at this point, he didn't really care. The only thing that made him hesitate was her safety. He didn't want to do anything to bring her to the attention of the Dark Lord. But he was just going to take a peek at her and slip back out of her room. She wouldn't even know that he had been there. No one would be the wiser. He contemplated the door for a few seconds, then took out his wand and tapped the doorknob. The door swung open and he silently entered her room. He stepped quickly to the bedroom and peered inside. She must have fallen asleep reading, because the night light was still lit and there was a book of Runes lying face down on the corner of the bed.

She was sleeping, but not peacefully. Her head was thrashing from side to side and she would whimper every so often. He stared at her. Even in distress she was utterly beautiful. She began to murmur. He crept up next to the bed so he could understand what she was mumbling.

"Severus…no…don't…don't kill him…no…please," she murmured.

She was getting very agitated and Severus wondered if he should wake her up. He wondered if she was dreaming of the night he killed Dumbledore. He still had nightmares about that.

"No…please…kill me instead…kill me instead!" She continued growing louder with every word.

Severus knit his eyebrows in puzzlement. Why would she want to be killed in Dumbledore's place? She startled him out of his musings when she sat bolt upright and gave a bloodcurdling scream, "Nooo!"

Without thinking he flew to her side. She was awake, but disoriented. She took one look at him and threw her arms around him.

"Oh Severus, you're all right!" She began crying. "They were…you were…Thank heavens you're safe!" She held him tighter and his arms went around her comfortingly.

"It was just a dream," he whispered soothingly. His mind raced. She had been dreaming about him being killed! She had even been upset by the thought of it. Maybe there was hope for them after all.

Suddenly, she tensed and pushed herself away from him. She studied him closely through her drying tears. A wall seemed to slam up between them.

"Why are you in my room?" she asked suspiciously.

"I…um"

"Severus, what are you doing in my room?" She demanded.

"I'm sorry Lana; I just needed to see you. After we left things the other night, I knew you wouldn't want to see me, so…"

Lana looked at him haughtily, "So you just decided to break into my room and leer at me while I was sleeping! Severus, what kind of a man _are_ you?"

"No, you don't understand," he replied.

"So enlighten me." She folded her arms in front of her and stonily awaited his response.

"I just needed to see you," he replied again, this time more forcibly.

"I heard you the first time, that doesn't give you the right to invade my privacy." She chided.

"That's true," he conceded, "but when it comes to you I find my judgment sorely lacking."

A flicker of a smirk crossed her face before it became stone again. "Don't think that just because we once had something together that you have the right to barge in here whenever you please," she admonished.

"I didn't…I just thought…"

"You thought! No I don't think that you thought at all. This stunt is unacceptable. Headmaster or not, you have no right coming into my room unannounced."

"Lana, I miss you," he said through clenched teeth.

Her demeanor softened somewhat. She regarded him for a few moments. "Severus," she said more gently, "that still doesn't make it o.k. to come spying on me. It's just rude…and weird."

He got up and started to pace. "Don't you think I said that to myself repeatedly outside of your room? Don't you think I'm kicking myself right now for coming in here and upsetting you?"

"Severus, to be truthful, I don't know what you're thinking. I don't _want_ to know what you're thinking. It can't be anything nice. Not in your line of work. For all I know you came in here to curse me or something."

He turned red and clenched his fists. She immediately regretted her words. A coldness entered into his eyes, "Don't worry, Svetlana, you won't have to fear me entering your room unannounced again!" He wheeled about to make a hasty exit.

"Severus, wait! I'm sorry, that was a low thing to say," she cried. "I'm just incredibly upset by your actions. I let my anger take control of my thoughts. I'm sorry."

His anger abated somewhat. He turned back to her. "I'm sorry too. I should have controlled myself. I didn't think you would wake up and catch me in the act of watching you."

"That doesn't make it right," she muttered.

"Granted, he acquiesced tartly.

They stared at each other for a moment.

"You need to leave now," Svetlana said blandly.

He stared at her for what seemed like hours. She had been dreaming about him being in danger. _That had to count for something _he thought. He straightened his robes and said softly, "Well then, goodnight…I love you, Lana." He turned and was out the door before she had even registered what he had said.

"I love you too," she whispered.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

She knew it was from him, but she would pretend that she didn't. It was Christmas time and a small merrily wrapped box had been left at the foot of her door. The bright green foil seemed to smile up at her cheerily. The note only said Merry Christmas. The handwriting was familiar. She untied the golden ribbon, unwrapped the box, and peered into it. Inside was a necklace. It was beautiful; a flat chain of silver that sparkled with different colors when the light hit it.

She put it on immediately as a tear streamed down her face. This wasn't the way it was supposed to be. They were supposed to spend Christmas together, wrapped in each others arms, exchanging presents by the fire. That was what they had done last year. Unfortunately last year was a long time ago and much had changed. Now they barely looked at one another and when they did, she was forced to scowl so he would look away quickly. When they were forced to speak, which wasn't frequently, it was always a quick, terse conversation that ended abruptly. All that was left of them now were memories and now this necklace.

She knew she should return it, but she couldn't. It reminded her of the Severus she had known before he had turned into a murderer; the man who was kind and funny and decent. Well, at least he had been to her. She smiled to herself thinking of how ornery Severus was to everybody else. She understood his shortcomings, including his short temper, but he had never shown her anything but respect and love.

Only now he was just a cross Death Eater who enjoyed the torture of children. It was hard to reconcile these two very different Severus Snapes. Just when she had decided that he was the worst evil on the planet, he leaves this beautiful gift for her. It was an unusual act of kindness. It made it seem as if nothing had changed.

But everything had changed. Their relationship was nonexistent. It had been turned to ashes. Of course her heart hadn't changed. How long was she going to have feelings for this ruthless Death Eater? It was tearing her apart inside. How could she love someone who represented such evil? She wished she could give herself a lobotomy so she could just forget about Severus Snape and everything that they had had together. Maybe an obliviate charm would do the trick. She sighed as she turned to leave her room and go down to dinner.

When she arrived almost everyone was seated. She smiled at those who glanced up at her arrival. She had a habit of arriving late on purpose. The less time she spent at the dinner table, the happier she was. As she sat down, she noticed Severus staring at the necklace. He averted his eyes when he realized she was looking at him. She should spread a rumor that it was a gift from a new boyfriend. No, that would be cruel and untrue. She didn't need to stoop to malice just to get back at Severus for betraying her.

She took a bite of her food and found she had lost her appetite. She glanced around at the children in front of her. They seemed happier than they had been all year. It was probably caused by the idea of getting away from the halls of this school for a short time during the Christmas break. She reflected over the treatment the students had to endure under the reign of Severus and the Carrows. It had been hard to watch the severe punishments the Carrows had placed upon them for the slightest infractions. She had taken to ignoring most bad behavior in opposition to their hard handedness. Severus had done nothing but sit back and watch. At least that was how it seemed.

She glanced at him as he ate his dinner. He always looked angry now. He was always tense too. The Carrows sat on either side of him, whispering about who knew what. Probably suggesting other forms of torture to implement in their detentions, or maybe some other Dark magic they could teach to the students. It made her sick to think about how the school had changed. It was like being at Durmstrang all over again, except, she hated to think it, Durmstrang was better. She wished there was something she and the other teachers could do, but right now, they were powerless. It was better for them to remain silent and try to protect the students. At least they could try to keep the Carrows somewhat in check if the teachers still held their teaching positions. Nothing could be done if they were sitting in a cell at Azkaban. The whole situation left her with a ball in the pit of her stomach. She put on a brave, happy face for the students and other faculty, but she felt sick inside most of the time. Looking around, she decided that she had had enough for one night. She placed her napkin on her plate and rose to retire back to her room.

Severus' eyes were on Svetlana's retreating form. She had worn the necklace he had given her. She probably was unaware that it was from him, or she would never have let it grace he neck. She had looked stunning in it. His passion for her kindled within him. Sometimes he wished he could get her out of his mind, but usually he welcomed the thoughts. Even though they weren't together, just the thought of her made it possible for him to keep going with this difficult charade. Things just seemed to get worse and worse: more killings and tortures, more people taken into custody. Would this madness never end?

He thought of Lana again. She had been so cold to him. He wished he could confess everything to her to avoid the hateful looks she gave him. Maybe she would even deem him worthy of forgiveness. He hesitated. These thoughts were worthless. She could know nothing of what was going on. If they had gotten back together and Voldemort suspected him of duplicity, she would be the first one he seized. He could imagine her being tortured and killed for her information. That was something he could not bear. No, it was better this way. Voldemort suspected nothing of her and would not even consider her a possible source of information. Her hate would continue. He would bear it quietly and do what was expected of him.

He shoved a piece of meat into his mouth and chewed it. His mouth was so dry that he couldn't even taste it. He pretended to be interested in the babble coming out of Alecto Carrow's mouth. She was ranting again about how awful Muggles were. He wished he could stuff her head into the bowl of mashed potatoes and hold it there until she stopped struggling. Then he would be rid of her endless chatter. Unfortunately, he must continue to pretend that he found her every word fascinating.

Pretend. That's all he did. He was sick of pretending. He pretended that it didn't bother him that everyone at the school hated him. He pretended to give Voldemort valuable information. He pretended to be a Death Eater. He pretended he had no feelings for Lana.

The time would come, hopefully soon, when all of this pretending could go away. He hoped it would be because Voldemort was gone, and not because he himself had been killed. That would really foul up his plans for the future.

Svetlana entered her room and marched into the bedroom. She was angry with herself again. Angry that she still loved Severus. Why was it so hard for her to get him out of her head? She was being stupid. There could never be anything between her and this Death Eater. She was appalled by everything he stood for. Yet her memories of him were good ones. It was hard for her to resign herself to the fact that he was so evil, when he had been so wonderful to her. She stood in front of the mirror and looked at herself. Her well kept exterior showed none of the turmoil that was raging within her.

She glanced at her neckline. The necklace Severus had given her sparkled happily. She had the sudden urge to rip it from her neck and actually had a grasp of it before she stopped herself. She carefully took it off and hung it off the side of her mirror. She was unsure if she would ever wear it again. She turned away from the mirror snapped her wand to extinguish the light and went to bed.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Severus stood in front of the large mahogany doors. Voldemort had summoned him a little while ago. He wondered what the Dark Lord wanted. His normal report wasn't due for another two weeks. Usually when the Dark Lord summoned him this way, it meant he had someone for Severus to hunt down. He hated these jobs, because he knew the usual outcome of his hunts.

He steeled himself for whatever was to come and entered the study. Voldemort was sitting behind a desk. His high back chair was turned away from Severus.

"You summoned me, My Lord."

The chair turned and Voldemort was sitting there with his hands clasped together in front of his chest, his long index fingers pointed upward.

"Yes, Severus, how are things going at Hogwarts?"

"They are going as planned. There have been the usual student problems, but the Carrow's unique form of punishment usually scares away most problems before they even start. Those who are reprimanded know not to cross us again."

"Good," crooned Voldemort. He was now fiddling with his wand. Turning it back and forth between two fingers and watching it. "I have heard some rather disturbing news, Severus."

"My Lord?"

Bellatrix has informed me of something that has made me...upset."

"What would that be, My Lord?"

"She seems to think that you have been keeping something from me, Severus."

"My Lord, she always thinks I am keeping something from you and she has yet to be right," Severus said stonily.

"She seems to think that you have had a relationship with one of the other teachers at Hogwarts. Is this true?"

Severus started at Voldemort. "Yes, My Lord," he said slowly, "but that relationship has been over since the end of the last school year."

It seemed as if angry flames shot out of Voldemort's eyes. "And you didn't feel the need to tell me about this relationship, Severus?"

"My Lord, you have much more important things to do than to hear about my romantic life."

Voldemort stood and pointed his wand at Severus. "Now why would you think such a thing? I don't care that you had a girlfriend! I care that you did not tell me about it. You know that you are not to keep secrets from me!" He was almost screaming.

"Surely, My Lord, you didn't mean…"

"Do not presume to know what I mean," he shrieked. "If you are to be a loyal servant to me, I must know everything about your life, not just the things that pertain to your work."

"Forgive me, My Lord, I meant no disrespect. Since the relationship ended so long ago, I didn't think it was worthy to bring up."

"How did this relationship end?" Voldemort asked.

"She couldn't find it in her heart to accept my return to you. I am better off without her."

Voldemort stared deeply into Severus' eyes, reading his thoughts. "Yes, I agree with you, Severus. If a woman cannot see the greatness in you, then she is worthless to you."

Severus secretly boiled inside. "Of course, My Lord."

"Severus, you have been a faithful servant. It…pains me to have to discipline you for this infraction, but if I didn't you would never learn," Voldemort hissed.

"My Lord, I…"

"Silence!" screamed Voldemort. "You will learn not to keep secrets from me. Your mind must be an open book! Crucio!"

Severus fell to the ground in a fit of tremors, screaming.

"Crucio!" Voldemort repeated and repeated until Severus passed out.

Severus awoke to an empty, darkened room. He slowly lifted his head and pushed himself up with his arms. He was very weak, but he had been tortured in worse ways before. The last time Voldemort decided to "play" with him, he was unable to rise from the floor for a day. He shakily got to his feet and disapparated to Hogwarts.

With a pop he appeared in front of the gates, falling against them for support. After a minute he opened them and stumbled onto the grounds falling on his face. He moaned and lay there for a minute before he turned onto his back and secured the gates with his wand. He brushed the dirt from his face and decided he would need to rest before continuing.

How had Bellatrix found out about Lana? He made a great effort not to be anywhere near Bellatrix, let alone talk to her. He mulled it over. She must have found out from the Carrows. He had never spoken of his relationship with Lana to any of the Death Eaters, but the Carrows probably heard someone gossiping about it in the school halls. He could just imagine Bellatrix gloating right this minute. She always looked for ways to expose him. It was too bad he couldn't get rid of her, but he couldn't blow his cover just to make Bellatrix squirm.

He rubbed his eyes with his hand. Even after all of his careful planning, Lana was still in danger. Hopefully he had convinced Voldemort that there was nothing to the relationship and he need not think about it again. He couldn't have anything happen to her.

He shakily got to his feet again and managed to stumble to the front doors of the school. He was barely able to open them. He stepped into the school, and turned to close them again.

"It's a bit late to be out for a stroll, Headmaster!" came a sharp voice.

He turned and saw Professor McGonagall regarding him distastefully. Losing his strength again, he slid down the door to a sitting position on the floor.

"What on earth happened to you?" Minerva asked, looking him up and down with a mildly concerned look on her face.

He tried to speak, but was too weak to form sentences. He could only mutter a few words. "Voldemort…Cruciatus…curse."

She looked at him pathetically. "Well if You-Know-Who treats his loyal followers this well, what have the rest of us got in store for us?" she asked sarcastically. She looked at him for a while, debating something within herself. "I should just leave you here in this corridor, but I hate to see anyone, even you, suffering. Although it's against my better judgment, I'll go get Madam Pomfrey."

"No...need…rest…bed."

She gave him an exasperated look. "Severus, you need medical attention."

"No…just…need…sleep."

She stared at him for what seemed like hours.

"All right, I'll help you to your room."

She walked over to him. "Can you boost yourself up?" she asked him.

He nodded. Together they got him standing and began the long journey to his room.

Svetlana jumped up, startled. There had been a great clanging in the hall outside her room. She got up and ran to the door. She threw it open and peered into the hall. Her mouth dropped open. There was a suit of armor broken apart on the floor and Minerva was holding Severus against the wall.

"What's going on, Minerva?" she asked.

"Oh Lana, thank heaven! Could you give me a hand? Severus has passed out. I need to lower him to the ground so he doesn't fall over and hurt himself."

Lana raced over and helped settle Severus on the ground. "What on earth happened?" she asked Minerva.

"You-Know-Who happened. Severus can hardly speak, but from what I could gather, he set the Cruciatus curse on him."

"Why didn't you take him to the infirmary?"

"He said he only needed sleep and wanted to be taken to his room. We were going along all right for a little while, and then he started to sway and fell into this poor knight. I was barely able to catch him."

Lana stared down at Severus. "Why would You-Know-Who do this to Severus? He's his best soldier."

"You-Know-Who likes to let his servants know who the boss is, I suspect. Awful, isn't it?" Minerva asked, looking with pity upon Severus.

"Mmm hmm," Lana answered. She looked down at Severus and her throat tightened. "Nobody deserves this, no matter what they've done," she whispered to Minerva.

Severus moaned and started to stir. He opened his eyes to find not one, but two faces staring down at him. One of the faces was Lana's. He opened his mouth to say something, but she stopped him.

"No, don't say anything, just relax for a minute, then we'll help you get up."

Severus' eyes grew wide. He lifted his head and looked at Lana, "No…go…back. Don't…help," he said to her.

She got an annoyed look on her face. "Listen, Severus, you're not in any shape to be making demands. When you're ready we'll get going."

He laid his head back on the ground and closed his eyes. This was just what he needed. Not only was she seeing him in this awful state, she was probably endangering her life just by talking to him. He would have to go out of his way to avoid her from now on to assure her safety.

He opened his eyes and nodded to them that he was ready to go on. Between Lana and Minerva they were able to steady Severus as he got to his feet. They continued down the hall toward his room. His legs gave out on him several times, but with the two women to support him, he was able to make it all the way to his room. He unlocked the door and they walked him to his bed and got him settled in.

"Thank…you," he struggled to tell them and then passed out again.

Lana looked at Minerva. "Should one of us stay with him?" she asked her.

Minerva stared down at Severus. "I think he just needs to sleep. This curse takes a lot out of the body. He'll be all right with rest. We can leave." She moved to the door and looked back at Lana. "Are you coming?" she asked her.

Lana looked at Minerva, "I'll be there in a minute." She told her.

"Don't let yourself get involved with him again, Lana, it will only lead to heartache," warned Minerva.

Lana looked at Minerva, then at Severus, then back to Minerva again. She heaved a great sigh.

"You're right, of course, Minerva," she said sadly. "Just because he's hurt doesn't change anything does it?"

"No, I'm afraid it does not," she said strongly as she gazed at Severus, unconscious on the bed.

Lana gave him one last look and followed Minerva out the door.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

He was standing in front of the mahogany doors again for the second time in three days. What the Dark Lord wanted with him this time was beyond him. He was still weak from their last encounter.

He opened the doors and strode into the room. A woman's body lay on the floor in front of the desk, her back to him. He glanced at the figure then up to Voldemort as he approached the desk. Too much interest in Voldemort's play things could cause trouble.

"Severus, it's good to see you again. As you can see, I have a present for you."

Severus gave Voldemort a quizzical look and then looked closer at the figure on the floor. It was Lana. His throat constricted. She was unconscious, but seemed to be unharmed.

"Why did you bring her here?" asked Severus.

Voldemort gave a tittering laugh. "She scorned you, Severus. I'm only letting you get a little revenge."

"If I had wanted revenge, I would have taken it a long time ago," Severus said between gritted teeth.

"Do I still detect that you have feelings for this woman, Severus?"

"No, my Lord, I just do not deem her…worthy of my time," replied Severus tartly.

Voldemort aimed his wand at her. "Well if you won't punish her, I will! Crucio!"

Lana was startled into consciousness as her body was wracked with pain. She stifled a scream until it was over. She looked around and saw Severus staring over her, his face masked; Voldemort was pointing a wand at her.

"S…Severus?" She could barely talk.

Severus stooped down and gathered her in his arms.

"Are you all right?" he asked her.

She could only moan and place her hand on his arm.

"Now isn't this touching?" cried Voldemort. "You seem to be more interested in this witch than you let on. I need your mind on me and me alone, Severus. I'll have to clear your mind for you!" His eyes sparkled at the thought of destroying the woman.

"No, she is not a distraction to me. Just let her be," begged Severus.

"I don't think so…Avada Kedavara!" A shot of green light flew from his wand and hit Svetlana squarely in the chest. Her hand tightened on Severus' arm, then fell slack. He stared at her as the life ebbed out of her eyes. "No," he whispered.

His anger exploded within him. He stood to his full height and aimed his wand at Voldemort, ready to kill or be killed.

His eyes snapped open. He looked around quickly. He was in his bed. What was going on?

It had been a dream. It had only been a dream. He sat up and looked around, agonizing within himself. He tried to distinguish what had been real and what had been part of his dream. He had gone to see Voldemort and had been cursed. That had been real, and so had the struggle back to Hogwarts and his room. Everything else had been a dream. Lana was all right. She had not been killed.

He breathed a sigh of relief. She was still safe.

Glancing at the clock, he noticed that it was late in the day. He flexed his arms and legs, gauging their strength. He seemed to be recovered enough to get out of bed. He got up and walked over to the window. He stared at the grounds for a long while.

He debated the incidents in his dream, worrying about Lana and her safety. Lana was in grave danger because of him. He should have never become involved with her. He let his passions get in the way of the horrible reality of his life.

Now the Dark Lord knew about her. He hoped he had convinced him that the relationship was long over; after all, it was. He knew Voldemort had more pressing things on his mind, but a deep fear settled into him as he thought of his encounter and his dream. If Voldemort decided to seek her out, her life would be forfeit. Severus would need to cease all contact with her completely. Even a terse conversation could be misconstrued by spying eyes.

There was a knock at the door. His head snapped toward it before he walked over and answered it. He groaned within himself. It was Lana. She looked odd. He couldn't tell whether she seemed angry with him, or was worried about him.

"I just stopped by to see how you were," she said stiffly.

He glanced around in the hall and pulled her inside his room. "I am better," he responded when the door was closed and he had turned to her.

"What's with all the cloak and dagger tactics?" she asked him.

His eyebrows knit together. "I'm just avoiding prying eyes and wagging tongues."

_What the heck was he talking about? _She suddenly felt afraid. Were the Carrows spying on Severus? Did Voldemort suspect him of some duplicity?

"Why did You-Know-Who torture you last night?" she asked him.

He scowled. "He just wanted something to play with. He wanted to make sure I wasn't keeping anything from him."

"Like what?" she questioned.

His eyes studied hers, "I can't discuss it."

She was suddenly exasperated. Why could she not leave this man alone? He was obviously not good for her. His activities were going to get him killed and would probably endanger her life if she continued to associate with him. So why did she keep associating with him then? _Utter stupidity_ came the response inside her head.

In reality, this was the first time in months that she had shown anything but disdain for him. Nonetheless, she had made a big mistake by coming here."Okay, I think it's time for me to leave," she replied, eyeing him suspiciously. She started for the door.

"Wait," he grabbed her arm as she passed by him. "Thank you for helping me last night, I'd probably still be in that hallway without you and Minerva getting me back here."

She stared into his eyes. They weren't the eyes of a murderer. How could he be a murderer?

Severus stared back, wanting her to understand everything, but knowing that she couldn't.

"Why did You-Know-Who torture you last night?" she asked again.

He contemplated his response, and decided on being truthful. "Lana, you and I cannot speak again," he told her quietly.

She looked perplexed. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"The reason the Dark Lord tortured me last night was because he found out about our past relationship. He was angry that I hadn't told him about it previously, so he 'taught me a lesson.' It's his way of keeping us in check."

Lana's eyes grew big. "But what does it matter that you had a relationship with me?"

"He wants his followers' minds to be an open book to him. He couldn't let me have a secret from him."

She gave him a worried look. "Are you in danger because of me?" she asked him.

He gave a mirthless laugh. "No, it's the other way around. The Carrows will certainly have their eyes open for anything looking amiss between the two of us from now on. Even your angry comments toward me could peak their interest. If the Dark Lord thinks there is still anything between us, then he may abduct you." He tried to sound nonchalant, but his dream had resurfaced in his mind, and it sent a shiver down his spine.

She regarded him thoughtfully. "Of course, by abduct you really mean kill, right?"

"As usual, Lana, your understanding of the Dark Lord is spot on," he remarked.

"You're saying that my life may be in danger for something that isn't even going on anymore? What kind of ridiculous nonsense is that? Severus, you have to admit that all of this is crazy. How can you continue to be involved in this Death Eater nonsense?"

His brow furrowed, "I have my reasons, Svetlana."

She gave a sigh. "Yes, I'm sure you do. I, however, don't want to have anything to do with you or your friends. If you want to bury yourself in this lifestyle, be my guest." She gave him a reproachful glare. "I don't think there will be any cause for alarm about us speaking in public again. If I have a message for you I'll send it through Minerva. Feel free to do the same." She gave him a haughty look and stalked toward the door. Opening it, she glanced back at him. He still didn't have the eyes of a murderer. How could he be a murderer?

She regarded him with a sad look. He had changed so much in so little time. She barely knew him at all anymore. Anger welled up inside of her. "I don't know why I even came here, I must be crazy," she said to no one in particular. She opened the door and glanced back at him once again, hoping for what, she did not know.

He wanted to stop her, but he couldn't. Her safety depended upon it. She sighed in exasperation, and left, slamming the door behind her. He stared after her, wanting nothing but to bring her back and envelop her in his arms.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Severus was in the Shrieking Shack staring up at Nagini. The snake was encased in some sort of protective shielding. Voldemort was talking about the Elder wand. Then, before he knew it, the snake's cage was on him and the snake was attacking him. He fell to the floor as Voldemort stalked out with his snake floating alongside of him. Suddenly Potter was in front of him.

"Take…it" he rasped as his memories came flowing out of him. He saw Hermione Granger pull a bottle out of her bag and douse him in a liquid. Then all went black.

"Do you have what you need Harry?" asked Hermione.

"Yes" he said.

She pointed her wand at Snape. "Tempus Arresto"

It was as if Snape had turned to stone.

"Hermione, what did you do?" cried Harry.

"I put a time stopper curse on him. It will keep him frozen in time until I release the curse. I doused him in dittany before that. Hopefully it might heal some of the damage and give him a chance to get medical help before he dies."

"You're bloody brilliant!" Harry exclaimed. "Do you think he has a chance?" he asked more seriously.

"I don't know. His injuries are severe. Let's hope Madam Pomfrey can help him."

A while later, the crowd roared and surrounded Harry, congratulating him on every side. Voldemort lay dead on the floor. It was over. As the great din leveled off and some of the people began to move away he searched for Madam Pomfrey. Shoving through the crowd, he ran over to her and explained what had happened to Snape. She hurried out of Hogwarts in search of him.

Lana tried to get to Harry. So many people wanted to shake his hand, pat him on the back, and tell him their tales that it was hard to even see him. Finally she edged her way to the front of the throng.

"Harry, those things you said about Severus, were they true?" she asked him as she grasped his hand.

"Yes, they were. He was always on our side. Dumbledore had been stricken with an incurable curse. His days had been numbered ever since he hurt his hand. Snape and Dumbledore had planned Dumbledore's death together. He was just doing what Dumbledore wanted him to do. He also kept an eye on the Carrows, so they didn't get too crazy here. He's helped me on occasion this year too without me knowing it."

She had turned white. Her hand was still clenching Harry's tightly. "I feel horrible. I have been so awful to him when he was only trying to protect everybody."

Harry grasped her hand in both of his. "Professor Barrista, don't feel guilty. If he was able to trick Voldemort into believing he was true to him, it would have been impossible for any of us to know the truth about him."

She sighed and released Harry's hand. "You said Voldemort killed him." Casting her eyes downward she asked, "Was it quick?"

"Actually he's not dead. Well, not yet. Hermione put a time stopper curse on him until he could get help. Madam Pomfrey went to find him a little while ago. She should be retuning with him soon." He became lost in thought. "There's one other thing you should know Professor. His last thoughts were of you."

Svetlana stared at him with wide eyes. She was afraid to hear what he had to say. What could Severus be thinking after all of these months of silence and hateful stares? She knew he despised her.

"He wanted you to know that he loves you and always has," explained Harry.

She gasped. "How could that be? He hates me and I've been horrible to him."

"He never hated you; it was all part of his cover. Thinking of you was the only thing that got him through all of this subterfuge. It's hard to imagine the things he had to deal with." He glanced at Lana and noticed her doubtful stare. "Those were his memories; I'm not making this up." He paused again and then said, "Look, I'd bet he's been pretty awful to you and you still care for him."

"Harry, that's not..."

"I can tell you do. Just your concern for him tells me you do. If you didn't care for him, we wouldn't be talking about this right now."

As Harry said this there was a great commotion in the front of the Hall. Madam Pomfrey and a few others were bringing in Severus. People were crowding around to get a good look at him. Harry and Svetlana raced to his side. Svetlana's heart sank. He was a bloodied mess. He looked dead already. It would take a miracle to save him.

"What did you say you did to him Miss Granger?" asked Madam Pomfrey.

"I poured dittany into his wounds and then put a time stopper curse on him."

"That was quick thinking. You may have saved his life," replied Madam Pomfrey. "Lift the curse so I can treat him."

With a flick of her wand the curse was lifted and Madam Pomfrey set to work. Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Lana stood at the edge of the bed watching her. After some time she rose and faced them.

"Well, it was touch and go, but I think he'll live. Miss Granger's quick thinking and the application of Phoenix tears have cured his wounds. The poison from the snake may have some lingering effects though. I'm not sure if he'll ever wake up."

Lana stared at Severus, unconscious on the bed. "Can he be returned to his room? I think he'd prefer the privacy," she asked Madam Pomfrey.

"I don't see why not," said Madam Pomfrey peering over at him. "He'll either wake up or he won't. It won't make a difference where he's lying. It'll probably take a few hours. If he doesn't wake by tomorrow, we'll have to send him to St. Mungo's." With that she took her leave. Harry, Hermione, and Ron helped Lana levitate Severus back to his room and get him settled into his bed.

"Thank you," Lana told them as they were turning to leave. She walked up to Hermione and gave her a big hug. "And thank you, Hermione, for saving his life." She looked over at Harry. "Thanks for clearing his name, Harry. If he survives he should be honored for his service."

Harry just smiled at Professor Barrista and the three left her alone to tend Severus.

She stared at him. Madam Pomfrey had cleaned him up so he looked more like himself except he was more pale than usual. He actually looked quite peaceful. She sat on the bed next to him and took his hand. It was cold.

She looked at him despairingly. He had to come out of this. He needed to know that everyone knew the truth. That she knew the truth and didn't hate him. He continued to sleep, unaware of his surroundings. She studied him, drinking in his features. Even in unconsciousness he had a strong presence about him. All of these months, he had been working behind Voldemort's back. All this time he had only been trying to protect her. She didn't deserve him. None of them did. She replaced his hand and realized that she was exhausted. After all the fighting and then the emotional upheaval of the past hour she could use some sleep. She went out to the couch and settled in for a little nap.


	11. Chapter 11

Svetlana woke with a start. Checking her time piece she noted that four hours had gone by. Four hours! She glanced at the bedroom and saw no movement. She got up and went in to check on Severus. He had not even shifted position. Her hope in him reviving was starting to wane. She could imagine him being stuck in this limbo until he wasted away and died. It would be Voldemort's last gift to him. She sat on the bed again and took his hand. She started to cry. It seemed that she cried more freely nowadays. But this was a different sorrow. It wasn't filled with rage. It was just sadness. Sadness that Severus may never wake and that she may never be able to tell him that she was sorry. She reached out and stroked his cheek. He moaned and moved his head slightly.

"Severus?" she said softly.

He murmured again. Then his eyes flew open and he sat straight up in the bed.

"Potter?" he said anxiously.

"Victorious."

"Voldemort?" he asked with trepidation.

"Dead," she replied.

He pushed up the sleeve over his arm to expose his Dark Mark, but it had disappeared.

"It's gone!" he gasped. "It's completely gone. The last time it just lightened, you could still see the detail. But now it's gone! I'm free!" He lay back down in the bed with his hands over his forehead. "I'm free," he whispered, and then his heart sank, "until they come to take me to Azkaban."

"Severus, they're not going to do that," Svetlana said.

He put his arms down, propped himself up, and looked at her as if she had two heads. "If you don't remember, I killed Dumbledore, the most beloved wizard in the world, and I was Voldemort's right hand man. If that doesn't say one way ticket to Azkaban, I don't know what does."

She looked at him. "Harry Potter divulged your secret work against Voldemort. In fact he did it in front of everyone in the castle, including Voldemort himself. You're a hero Severus."

He gazed at her in shock. "He did what?"

"He told Voldemort everything. He explained how you had been loyal to Dumbledore all this time and had planned his death with him. He made sure Voldemort knew that you hadn't been his minion since Lily Potter had died."

Severus just stared at her, his eyes cold. He was furious Potter had betrayed his memories. Of course, Potter probably had thought Severus was dead, but Severus prided himself on his secrecy above all things.

"Leave me," he said sternly.

Svetlana gave him a puzzled look and stated, "What?"

"_Leave Now_," he repeated more stubbornly.

Looking at him curiously, she rose. He stared at the far wall, avoiding her gaze. She got up and headed for the door, but hesitated in the bedroom doorway. She turned with a haunted look on her face.

"Severus, I'm sorry," she said regretfully.

He regarded her darkly. "Sorry about what?" he grumbled.

"I'm sorry that I doubted you. I should have known that there was something up. I should have trusted you," she muttered.

He gave a great sigh, "It's not your fault," he told her. "I didn't want you to trust me. If you knew what was going on it would have meant your death. I fostered the lie to protect you."

"I still should have known. All that time we spent together. I knew you better than to…I guess that's why I was so puzzled when you killed Dumbledore. It made no sense."

There was a knock on the door and Madam Pomfrey bustled in.

"Oh, I'm sorry Headmaster," Madam Pomfrey apologized. "I thought you were still unconscious or I wouldn't have let myself in," she said as she came up to his bedside and began to examine him. She pronounced him to be on the mend, but cautioned him to stay in bed for at least 24 hours so that the remaining poisons could dissipate without spreading any faster in his body. She explained to him how Hermione Granger had had the presence of mind to save his life and what had happened to him since he passed out. He thanked her as she left.

He looked around for Svetlana, but she had disappeared. Fantastic! He was captive in his room for 24 hours. He laid back down and put his arms behind his head.

Lana had apologized. He was the one who should be begging for forgiveness for all that he had done.

He shouldn't have told her to leave. He had a habit of banishing everyone from him when he was angry. Maybe he should go find her. He didn't know what good that would do, or even what he would say to her. He wasn't even sure where to find her. She could be anywhere in the castle and he could just see himself collapsing from the poison left in his system after wandering about aimlessly.

He could try her room. That would be the logical place to find her. He stood to change his clothes and a wave of dizziness overcame him. He fell back down onto the bed. He wouldn't be making any trips out of his room any time soon.

He settled back into the bed and covered himself with the sheet. Maybe she would come back. _Oh, what did it matter?_ he thought. Even if she now knew the truth, too much had happened for him to hope for reconciliation. They hadn't even spoken for months. They had done a good job of avoiding each other at all costs.

When they did happen to glance at each other, there was always so much hate behind her eyes, although the hate had seemed to have disappeared since he had awakened. _That was a good sign, wasn't it?_ He blanched. Who was he kidding? How could anyone get over all that had happened? He would be lucky if she ever talked to him again.

He reflected on the events that had left him here on this bed, alive. He thought of Potter and his revelations. He had wanted to tell Lana about his double life himself. Maybe that's why he had was so angry about what Potter had done. He should probably be thanking him for saving him from a long, cold life in Azkaban, but the thought of being in debt to Harry Potter was enough to make him want to vomit. He could have cleared his own name, given the time.

What had he thought would happen when he told Lana anyway? She would have fallen into his arms, all being forgiven? That fantasy would never happen. She had obviously gotten over him and he needed to do the same. There would be no going back to where they left off.

He supposed he could begin to plan his future. He was amazed that he actually had one. For so long there had just been the darkness and despair that the Dark Lord's reign had bestowed upon him. He could actually have a life now if he wanted it, any kind of life.

He sighed. None of it would be worthwhile without Lana. Just as the last year had been dismal, all he could see for his future was a life filled with loneliness. He had waited so long for this moment of freedom, but now it just rang hollow. Maybe it would have been better if the Granger girl hadn't gone to so much trouble to save him. His future was looking pretty bleak. He slammed his head into the pillow and lost himself in dark thoughts.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

He had been reveling in misery for quite a while when there was a knock on the door. He yelled for the person to enter. It was Minerva. She had come to see how he was. The word had gotten out that he was conscious. She visited for a few minutes. She even apologized for treating him so horribly this past school year. He was indifferent. She said her goodbyes and left him to his thoughts.

There were several more visits like this throughout the afternoon. Even Horace Slughorn had come in, pretending to have known all along that he had been working against Voldemort. He showered him with compliments, hoping to slime his way into another friendship with someone important. Severus told him to quit sucking up to him and that he had no use for his little Slug society. Slughorn took this as an opportune time to make a hasty getaway. Severus was getting extremely irritated at all of this attention. Why couldn't everyone just leave him alone? Then there came another knock at the door.

"Oh for heaven's sake, come in!" he barked.

It was Lana. She was carrying a tray of food.

"Always so chipper!" she chided. She walked across the room.

"I'm sorry to disturb you, your majesty," she said crossly. "I thought you might be hungry so I made you up a food tray."

She placed the tray on the bedside table and sat on the bed. Her demeanor softened.

"How are you feeling?" she asked more gently.

"I tried to stand a little while ago and about passed out. I guess I'm trapped in this bed for a while. Other than that…I'm alive." He sunk down into the bed burying his head forlornly in the pillow.

She smiled at him. "I think you're the first person I've ever met who could sulk about cheating death!" More seriously she added, "Did you want to change your clothes? I can get you some fresh ones if you'd like."

"Thank you. There are some night shirts and things in the middle drawer of the dresser over there." He pointed it out for her.

She went over and opened the drawer. It was filled with black sleepwear. "Well, at least I won't have to worry about color coordinating for you," she mused. She chose a satiny top and bottom and brought it over to him. "Do you need help with your clothes?" she asked him.

He looked embarrassed. "If you could vanish them off, that would help a great deal."

She took her wand while he made sure he was covered with the bed sheets.

"Evanesco," she chanted and vanished his tattered robes away.

She turned around to give him some privacy while he changed. After a minute his movements stopped and she peeked over her shoulder to see if he was finished. He was lying shirtless on the bed with his hands over his face. She went over to him and studied him with concern.

"Are you all right?" she asked him.

He lowered his hands, "I just got overwhelmingly dizzy."

"Here, sit up, I'll help you with your shirt." She helped him to a sitting position and took the shirt and helped him get into it. Her hand brushed against his chest and a little shock of excitement went through her body. He watched her as she became bright red and grasped her hand as she tried to button the shirt.

"I think I can get the rest from here," he murmured.

She looked at him, the tension between them mounting. "Are you hungry?" she queried, breaking the moment.

"Now that you mention it, yes, I'm starving," he replied as he did up his shirt.

She brought the tray over and sat on a chair near the bed so he could have some room. He studied her as he ate. She looked exhausted. She had cleaned up some since she had last been to see him, but her hair was disheveled and there were small wounds peppering her face and arms. She had suffered her amount of injury in the battle. She looked pretty ragged, but he probably looked worse.

"What have you been doing since you left?" he asked her.

"Taking care of the wounded," she answered.

She told him about the battle and all that had happened while he was in the Shrieking Shack. It was a remarkable story, especially the part about Voldemort's powers being diminished. He had thought nothing would be able to lessen those powers. To imagine that the binding curses that he could produce could wear off in a matter of minutes was mind boggling. He wished he had been able to see the end. After all of the work he had done, he didn't even get the satisfaction of seeing Voldemort's broken body on the floor. He glanced at his arm, still unable to believe that it was all over and Voldemort was dead.

Reading his mind, she told him, "You can believe it, Severus, he's really gone. You have a fresh start. People are even talking about naming a wing of Hogwarts after you."

He choked on his food. "What? Has everyone gone insane? All I did was feed some disinformation to the Dark Lord now and then, nothing worthy of a wing of this school."

Her heart swelled. "You did much more than that. You should let people give you some praise. After all that you've been through and all the torture and prejudice you've had to endure for the past year, for your _whole life_, you deserve a little glory."

"Why are you doing this?" he asked her pointedly.

"Doing what?" she asked back.

"You're pretending that everything's okay. You're even pretending that I'm okay when you can't even stand the sight of me."

She held his gaze for a moment before casting her eyes down. "I lied to you," she said flatly.

He gave her a puzzled look. "No, I lied to you."

She rose and took his tray from him. She placed it back on the bed stand and sat next to him on the bed.

"I was eating that," he said dryly. He was still holding his fork.

She looked at him in exasperation. She grabbed the fork and banged it down on the tray with the half eaten food.

"You're impossible sometimes, you know that?" she growled. She stared at him furiously but after a few moments the anger melted away and she enveloped him in a huge hug. After a moment of shock, his arms went around her and he returned the hug. He closed his eyes and took in the sweet smell of her hair. He never thought he would hold her in his arms again. She tightened her grip so much that he caught his breath.

"Lana, I can't breathe," he gasped.

She released him and looked a little embarrassed. "Sorry!" she cried.

He stared at her in bewilderment as she turned around and sat farther back on the bed, raising her legs so she could lie next to him. She leaned back and laid her head against his chest. His arm automatically went around her shoulders and he pulled her in closer to him, still dazed.

She went on, "It's just that everything's been so crazy. First you were dead, then you were dying, and then you were never going to wake up." She looked up at him and caressed his face. She began to choke up. "I'm just grateful you're alive and okay."

He sat in shocked silence as she replaced her head on his chest and encircled his waist in her arms.

"I thought you despised me for everything that has happened," he finally managed to mumble.

She tilted her head so she could see him. "I tried to, but I couldn't. Severus, I've never stopped loving you." She pulled his head down to hers and softly kissed him on the mouth.

Now he knew he was dreaming. He must have fallen asleep without knowing it. He pulled away from her and tried to shake himself awake.

Lana gave him a quizzical look. "What are you doing?" she asked.

He ignored her and tried shaking his head again.

"Are you okay, does your head hurt?"

"I just have to wake up. If I can only wake up, I can get back to reality." He continued shaking his head quickly, trying to bring himself back to consciousness.

Her eyes grew wide and she began to laugh. So what exactly is reality?"

"You hate me, I know you do. The last thing you should be doing is kissing me!"

"Severus, you've been awake for hours now. This is no dream."

"Prove it," he snapped.

She thought for a moment. "Harry Potter told me that I was the last person you thought of before you went unconscious."

"Merlin's Beard, this isn't a dream, it's a nightmare!"

"How could I know that if this was a dream?" she queried.

He mumbled to himself, "It's just in my subconscious. I'm going crazy. It's just wishful thinking." He started hitting himself on the side of the head to get this horrid scene out of his mind.

She pushed his hand away from his head to stop him from hurting himself. "He said you still loved me," she said, matter-of-factly.

He put his face in his hands. "Make it stop, please just make it stop."

She grabbed his face and planted a hard kiss on his lips. "Does that feel like a dream to you?"

He looked startled and rubbed his mouth. "How, if this is not a dream, can you say you never stopped loving me?"

She looked at him more seriously. "Severus, it's true. I couldn't deal with my feelings and thought that if I pushed you away I would somehow get over you, but I couldn't. Even when it seemed like I couldn't stand you, I really just couldn't stand myself because I had fallen in love with a Death Eater and couldn't let you go."

He arched his eyebrow quizzically, "You mean the nasty looks and biting words were all an act?"

She nodded and bit her lower lip. "Now do you believe you're awake?"

"Not really, but I'll play along," he said in mock sternness. He sobered. "I'm sorry for having treated you so horridly all of this time,"

Her arms were around him again. "I understand why you did it, and I'm not upset."

He lifter her away from him so he could look into her eyes, "Are you sure? How could you not be upset? Those feelings just don't disappear." He gazed deeply into her dark eyes. They were filled with a pain he could not bear to see. "Lana, please forgive me. If there had been another way to protect you, believe me, I would have done it rather than hurt you so." He pulled her back against him and hugged her protectively.

After a minute she sat back up and studied his face. "I do understand, Severus. It's just that I spent so much time beating myself up about you. I just wish I had known the truth, it would have gotten rid of a lot of confusion on my part."

"Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?" he begged.

She smiled at him. He looked at her and noticed something around her neck. He reached out and slid his finger under the necklace she had received as a Christmas present.

"You haven't worn this since Christmas time," he remarked softly.

She looked at him with shame in her eyes. "I…I haven't wanted to," she stammered.

"You knew it was from me then. I scoured all of London to find just the right thing. I thought this expressed the light that you always reflect, even in the midst of adversity." He stared into her eyes and then let the chain go. "I expected that you would return it if you found I had given it to you."

Reaching for the necklace she became very quiet. After a minute she confessed, "I couldn't bear to part with it." She grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "It was the only thing I had left of us. I knew it was dangerous to be involved with you, but this necklace was something innocent that no one need know anything about. I pretended that I didn't know it was from you, and I lied about hating you so you would stay away from me." She looked at him with big eyes, "I'm sorry, Severus. Can _you_ find it in your heart to forgive _me_?"

She was on the verge of tears and her lip trembled. Severus had never seen her more beautiful.

"Lana." He pulled her to him and kissed her. The softness of her lips reminded him of how much he had missed her. He wished he could envelop her into him and never let her go. Lana held him so tightly that he thought he would pass out. They separated and looked at each other longingly.

"There's nothing to forgive. We both did things that we had to in order to survive." He pulled her into a close embrace. "I'm just a bit surprised that you're such a good actress. You certainly had me fooled, and I'm a _very_ gifted Legilimens." He got an evil twinkle in his eye. "Maybe you should think of going into the theater." He grinned at her as she rose and gave him a caustic glare.

"This is not the time for jokes, Severus Snape, I'm bearing my heart to you and all you can do is make fun of me!" She started banging his chest in mock frustration.

"Ow! Control yourself woman, I'm still recuperating!" came his baleful plea. He grabbed her wrists trying to control them and they fell down onto the bed wrestling until Severus didn't have the strength to fight back.

"Please stop, I'm about to pass out!" he cried, half laughing, half pleading. She fell against his chest in a fit of laughter.

"Sorry! I didn't mean to wear you out. You just look so cute when you're flustered," she giggled. After looking up at him and seeing his reproachful look she continued, "Don't tell me, let me guess, I'm ruining your tough exterior, right? We can't let the mighty Severus Snape be seen as weak, or heaven forbid, _cuddly_."

"You're lucky I'm too weak to move, or you'd be in a headlock right now," he shot back. He sobered and tilted her head so she was looking directly at him.

"Lana, I love you eternally. Will you marry me?" he begged her. "I've lived without you for too long and I know I don't ever want to be separated from you again."

She looked at him in amazement. Her heart felt faint. "Yes!" she managed to say and he covered her face with kisses.


	13. Chapter 13: Epilogue

Epilogue

Severus had been watching her while she slept. The last few months since the Dark Lord's demise had gone by quickly. There had been many funerals and much mourning. Those who had been injured had regained their health. His injuries had taken longer to heal than most. He had felt weak and had been mostly bedridden for several days after his escape from death. But all through that time he had felt contented.

Lana and he had been through a whirlwind of marriage plans these last months, and then ultimately their wedding yesterday. She had looked so very beautiful. The dress she had chosen was made of satin in an antique white color. She had resembled a queen from the renaissance era. The bodice had a scooped neck and small white roses sewn to it. The skirt flowed around her with larger white roses adorning it. It had a long sleeve that was puffed at the top and had satin buttons lining the outside. The train had flown several feet behind her. Her hair had been curled and it floated against her back as she walked. He wasn't able to take his eyes off of her for a minute. She had looked at him rather appreciatively in his black robes with a hint of a white collar showing at the top. The ceremony had been a small one on the grounds of Hogwarts. It had been just what the both of them had wanted.

They were now snuggled in the cave of the waterfall he had created for their first date. He had converted it into a small honeymoon suite for them. They had a few days before they needed to return to Hogwarts to begin the new school year. They were both going to keep their current positions. Lana thought it would be nice to have an "in" with the headmaster.

He smiled at her. As if she would ever take advantage of her position like that. She stirred under his watchful eye. He stroked her cheek and reflected on the turn his life had taken. It had been like night and day. The reproachful looks he was used to receiving had all but disappeared. They had been replaced by wide eyed looks of admiration and incredulity. Some even wanted to shake his hand. The attention still made him want to scream sometimes, but he was learning to deal with it better. He had convinced them not to rename a wing of Hogwarts after him, but it had taken much argument and cantankerousness. He had finally agreed to stay on as Headmaster in exchange for _not_ having the wing renamed. Everyone seemed to be appeased finally.

She stirred again and opened her eyes to look at him. A large smile came across her face. He kissed her greedily.

"Why are you awake so early?" she queried after their kiss.

"Your beauty was so dazzling it woke me from a sound sleep," he replied.

"Mmm, keep up those compliments and I will become utterly conceited."

He caressed her face. "Never."

She couldn't believe how lucky she was. Everything had happened so quickly. One moment she was depressed and hopeless, and then they were making wedding plans. She couldn't have asked for a better turn of events. She looked at him lovingly.

"Your students would be surprised to know what a passionate side there is to you, Severus Snape," she said silkily as she stroked his cheek.

"How could anyone not have passion for you, Svetlana Snape?" he countered.

"You have all of your lines down pat don't you? You think you can just sweet talk yourself into my bed, Mister?"

"If you'll notice, I'm already in your bed."

"Oh! So you are! Silly me..." She pulled him down and planted a hungry kiss on his lips. His arms encircled her and he cradled her in them. She basked in the miracle that had gotten them to this point. All of the heartache was finally behind them and they were together and happy. The future looked bright.

"So, what are we doing today?" Lana asked him.

"As far as I'm concerned, we're staying in bed all day."

She giggled and nibbled his ear.

"No, really, what are we doing?"

"You'll see," he said playfully.

That night they sat cuddling on the couch reviewing the day. It had been so much fun. They had first gone to get Severus new Headmaster robes. He had never felt right dressing for the part the year before. They had pored over the racks at Madam Malkin's looking for just the right robe.

"_What about this one?" Severus had asked._

_Lana took one look at it and said, "No black."_

_He gave her a dubious look. "But I always wear black."_

"_I know, but you're the Headmaster. You should wear something that stands out in a crowd."_

_Returning to the rack, Severus pulled out another robe. "What about grey? That's a nice bright color."_

_She chuckled, but didn't even look up this time. "Yes if you're a werewolf." She continued browsing; looking at a few robes carefully, until she came upon one that caught her attention. She pulled it off the rack._

"_Now here's one that says Headmaster all over it," she said to him as she held it up._

_Severus looked at the robes. They were a velvety midnight blue with black and gold trim. There were golden swirls embroidered in the fabric. Despite his wanting to be difficult, he liked them. "Those aren't too bad," he told her reluctantly._

"_They're as close to black as you can get; without really being black, of course." she relayed to him with a smile. _

_His eyes narrowed slyly at her as he grabbed the robes and headed for the dressing room. She gave him an innocent smile and turned to follow him. _

_A few minutes later he stood in front of a mirror, appraising the robes. They did make him look rather nice. "They seem to be satisfactory," he said absently to Lana._

"_That's high praise coming from you!" she told him. She then told Madam Malkin that they needed the robes tailored._

"_This robe is a fine choice! It gives you the authority you need in your position, Headmaster." said Madam Malkin as she spun around Severus making marks for the necessary adjustments._

"_Oh, please, don't compliment him, he'll change his mind and these robes are too nice to put back!" Lana exclaimed._

_Severus just eyed her, wanting to wipe the grin off of her face. "Always so sarcastic," he responded tartly._

"_Now where do you think I picked that up?" she asked him pointedly._

_He stared at her for a moment then burst out laughing._

After purchasing the robes they had enjoyed some Muggle sightseeing in London. Severus led her to a boat dock, where they hired a boat and went sailing on the Thames. He had packed a light lunch and they spent most of the afternoon on the river, zipping up and down the channel. They had ended the day with dinner at the most famous wizarding restaurant in London, The Golden Wand.

"How did you get reservations at The Golden Wand?" Lana asked him later as they snuggled on the couch. "I heard it takes six months to get a table!"

"I have my sources," he said slyly. "I saved the owners life when he had been taken prisoner by Voldemort."

She turned and looked at him in amazement. "What other brave things haven't you told me about during that time?" she queried. "Severus, I think I'll spend my whole life finding out about the great things that you did over just this past year."

"Lana, it wasn't anything. I mostly tried to stay away from Voldemort when he was angry. The few good deeds I was able to accomplish were small and infrequent."

She looked at him skeptically. "Sure, pick now to be modest." She became exasperated. "Severus, you should be shouting your accomplishments off of the roof tops, not hiding behind your Headmaster position."

"Lana, you know I hate attention. I'm much happier sitting up in my office than having everyone fawn all over me."

"Yes, sitting in your office all _alone, hiding_. You should get out of your comfort zone once in a while. You need to start acting like the hero you are!" she stopped speaking abruptly and looked apprehensive.

"Lana, what did you do?" he asked sternly.

"Me?" she exclaimed a bit hesitantly. "What could I do?"

"Lana…"

"Oh all right, all right. I set up an interview for you with Rita Skeeter. You know: the reporter? She wants to write an article about you. She thought she could cover your transformation from spy to hero to headmaster; all that stuff."

"You WHAT?"

"Now Severus, this is why I didn't tell you sooner. I knew you'd blow up."

"I will not speak to that lying, presumptuous wench," he retorted.

"She's not that bad. She just gets a little over the top sometimes," Lana defended.

"Sometimes? Do you even read _The Prophet_?"

"Of course I read _The Prophet_, what do you think, I live under a rock?"

"Then you'll understand why I won't talk to her. The things she wrote about Albus were abominable."

"Severus, she'll do you justice. She promised me."

"Oh yes, and her word is worth what? Not even the paper it's written on." He got up and started pacing. "How could you do this to me?" he asked angrily.

"Severus, do you trust me?" she asked quietly.

He stopped pacing and turned to look at her. His anger washed away as he looked into her beautiful, loving eyes.

"Explicitly," he replied softly.

"Then trust me in this. I've know Rita Skeeter since we were roommates together at Hogwarts. I know things about her that few people, if any, know. If she tries anything funny, she knows she'll have to deal with me, and that I'm not one to be trifled with."

"What are you going to do? Steal all of her magic quills?" he said tartly.

She looked at him for a minute. A small smirk was on her face. Softly she answered him, "Do you remember when Rita disappeared for a while? It was soon after the Tri-Wizard Tournament."

Severus' eyebrows shot up. "You were responsible for that disappearance?"

"Well, no. But I know what happened, and I can duplicate the same set of circumstances if needed." She raised her hand to him. "Don't ask me what it was, I can't divulge her secret. Just believe me, she won't write any lies about you. It wasn't a happy year for her."

He regarded her admiringly. She was always full of surprises. He wasn't enthralled by this particular surprise, but she would make sure it worked out. He returned to the couch and to her arms.

"I'll never figure out why you condescend to be with me," he remarked. "I act like a prat sometimes." He looked at her apologetically.

She raised an eyebrow at him.

"Well, most of the time," he relented.

She looked at him as if he still needed to confess something.

"Are you trying to get me to say that I act like a prat _all_ of the time?" he asked suspiciously.

"Wouldn't that be closer to the truth?" she asked innocently. Severus' eyes narrowed as she burst out laughing. "That's part of your charm!" she said in between giggles.

After she had calmed down she took his head in her hands. "Severus Snape, I love you and will never let anyone think poorly of you again. I want the whole world to know who you really are and what you really did to save it. You deserve to be seen in the right light."

"You're extraordinary," he murmured. He brought her to him and kissed her passionately. He lifted her up and carried her to the bed. They sunk into it and she pulled the covers over their heads. It was going to be a wonderful evening.

The End

_Thanks to everyone who stayed with this to the end. I appreciate your reading it. I seem to not be able to let these two alone, so I'm working on a sequel. It's called _Voldemort's Legacy_. I should have the first chapter posted soon._


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